My mother was a firm believer in the term "tough love" and when I did something bad, I was going to hear about it. In fact, even when I didn't do anything bad, I was still going to hear about it, and so would half the block. And while now I can look back on my past lovingly and understand that I was dealing with a victim of an extremely large ego, as a child, I simply didn't have the awareness to comprehend this notion. Now, I know that if one doesn't take the time to question their beliefs, they may come to realize later on that they've been living their entire lives with the beliefs and values of others. And often, these beliefs can be harmful to not only others, but to the Self. I'm thankful for this knowledge, and I'm actually grateful for any suffering I endured throughout my childhood, because it brought me to this realization. My pain helped me awaken to the truth of how we choose our thoughts and create our reality.
It took me until my late teenage years to really start questioning my own belief patterns. Up until then I had been like a psychic sponge, taking on anyone else's ideas and opinions about me. It started to dawn on me that I had been the victim of a victim of a victim, etc... and that it was up to ME to question the root of the ideas that shaped how I viewed myself and the world. I did some deep self-investigating, removing my limiting beliefs and replacing them with ones that empowered me. I took responsibility for my life and forgave the people who I had once blamed for my lack of self-confidence. I began to wake up to my power and it became easier and easier to speak my truth. I began to love myself for exactly who I was and I grew to learn that I could be myself around other people without fear, but strangely the anxiety was still there...
Being highly intuitive, able to understand and sense from a young age that I was much more than flesh and blood, I was naturally extremely sensitive to energy. At age 13 I taught myself how to meditate and work with my own energy. I became very aware of my inner body and the energy of others. I often tuned into this frequency, to this level of reality more so than the one I could see with my eyes. I became intensely fascinated with learning how to sense others' energy and left myself open to "read" them. And while this opened up a new and exciting world for me to discover, it also bought on a whole slew of problems. I didn't realize that I had to close myself off sometimes, that I had to learn how to protect myself from all the psychic sludge other people were giving off.
Into my mid-twenties I continued to be able to sense and feel others' energy fields. And while this made it easy to get along with people who were on the same frequency as me, it made it extremely difficult to even be in the same room as people who were on a vibration that clashed with my own. I began to notice that my social anxiety, though partially due to my belief systems, could mostly be attributed to feeling the thoughts and emotions of others. When someone around me was anxious, I became anxious. I actually took on their pain. And I couldn't differentiate between my pain and someone else's.
This extreme sensitivity made working around lots of stressed-out people almost impossible, though I still found myself drawn to jobs where I would get to deal with people on a regular basis. After reclaiming my power and re-programming my belief systems, I felt more comfortable around people, but I went from one job to the next, either quitting or getting fired because I just couldn't take all the stress. I began to question whether I was spoiled or if there was truly something wrong with me. Why couldn't I just hold down a job? Why couldn't I just go to work, deal with people, and come home and relax? Working at a coffee shop was supposed to be charming wasn't it? I was smart, able-bodied. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just laugh off the stress?
It was after recently seeing a Qigong healer that I realized fully that I was responsible for all the stress I was feeling. It was me who was leaving myself too open. It was me who had decided to take on everybody's pain. I just hadn't been conscious of it. Once again I had to re-program myself. I started to pay attention to my aura. Up until seeing this healer, I had never really stopped to sense my aura. I had only been interested in sensing and balancing out my nadis, or energy channels in my body. I had to change my perspective completely and train myself to become intensely aware of my field of protection. I learned that I could contract or expand my aura, that I could make it fluid and yet strong through simply becoming present and aware of it like I had done with my energetic body. And in doing so, I put space around myself and the challenges I was facing.
Now I can confidently be around big groups of people without taking on their stress. I've learned to ask myself the right questions: Are these my thoughts and emotions or someone else's? Where is my aura? What's going on inside of it? I've learned to stand my ground, to remain in my own protective circle of light, and to always speak from the heart. I understand that it's okay for me to not pay attention to that which doesn't serve me.
I can honestly say that I'm no longer a victim. I've learned to take responsibility for my life. I dug down deep and dared to question WHY? And trusted the answers that came from my heart. And while I still sometimes find myself soaking up others' stress, I have the awareness to catch myself in the act and stop.
I know that I still have work to do on myself, but I've learned to stop judging and labelling situations and people as negative. Instead I've come to view every challenge life throws at me as an opportunity for growth and expansion. I'm thankful for my extreme sensitivity and realize that all the stress and pain of growing up "different" has humbled me and helped me connect to the world on a much deeper level.
So the next time you're feeling stressed out, ask yourself: Where is this stress coming from? An old belief pattern that I haven't let go of... or am I taking on someone else's pain.
Being highly empathic will bring its difficulties, but the rewards are so worth it, so don't worry if you're having difficulties with people. Don't reject or be afraid of your amazing abilities! Know that you're in exactly the place you need to be in for your own spiritual development.
Remember, you're in charge of your thoughts and emotions! You can't control other people but you can control how you react to them. It's never the situation that makes you upset, just your thoughts about it. Take time to become still and learn to become the observer of your Self. Get in touch with your body. Take deep breaths and let life flow.
Check out the video I made on being an empath: http://youtu.be/acKA4pkZ_P8
Check out my blog: http://www.christinamartine.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christina_Martine
Posted in: 
.jpg)
0 comments:
Post a Comment