When I was a teenager I remember being overcome with obsessive thoughts. I didn't know how to differentiate between my thoughts and my Self. I would have to constantly tell myself comforting things in order to feel stable and in control. Little did I know... that I was feeding my highly unstable ego, not me at all, and not creating any sort of long lasting control or power.
It was after stumbling upon Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" that I began to realize that I was not my thoughts... that I was a being far greater than my brain. I woke up to the truth of how the mind was a tool. A fragmented tool, but a useful tool nonetheless. I suddenly didn't have to identify with the thoughts in my head. After all, they were just thoughts, not me. I was a consciousness using the brain. I began to watch my thoughts and laugh at how silly some of them were. It started to dawn on me that all the suffering and pain I felt was because of my identification with the mind, with the ego. I knew that the pain I was experiencing could cease when I stopped this insane identification. I suddenly knew that I was exactly in the place I needed to be in for my own evolution and that denying the Now was not only insane but futile.
I had all this space to breathe and just be. Without the incessant chatter of thoughts racing through me, I could sense the rest of my body and really get in touch with my emotions. I was no longer just a head walking around, scared that if I stopped thinking I would somehow cease to exist.
It was strange at first, letting myself "lose" to the mind, but eventually I realized that letting go and surrendering to the moment brought more control and power. I began to loosen up and instead of worrying about the past or future, I began to simply just enjoy the present.
I realized that the present moment was all we were ever going to have. I made friends with life and began to say yes to whatever my journey threw at me. I stopped resisting the Now and soon began to understand that the Now was my point of power. Through surrendering to the moment and being fully present, I could not only feel my body and have full control over my emotions and thoughts, but I could also feel my spirit and my connection to God. And it was from this place of complete surrender that I began to fully awaken to my power. In the Now, the Source could flow through me. Finally, my consciousness could expand... I could do what I came here to do! That was my purpose for existence! To grow! Any resistance to the moment brought suffering. Any aversion was insanity. I realized that there were no negative situations... that everything was an opportunity for growth and "negative" was just a label. Nothing more. I knew that everything was light/love and that we each were here to express this light in our own unique way. I had nothing more to fear.
Through letting go of the ego and succumbing to spirit, I began to feel a lightness like I had never experienced before. I was calm and yet energized. I was thoughtless and yet I knew who I was and where I was going in life. Everything made sense and yet, I didn't have to articulate the meaning of life over and over again to myself. I began to trust life and in return, life began to trust me.
By leaving myself completely open, I began to receive information from higher frequencies. I allowed myself to open up to the light and the light illuminated my path. Yes, I still had free choice, but now life seemed so much easier. Everything flowed so effortlessly. I realized that I never had to worry again. The universe was on my side and God was everywhere and in everything. I was one with all.
These mystical sensations and messages continued to come to me. When I began to take my art more seriously and took some time off work to create, the messages came at full speed. I believe it was because I was totally present while I was painting that I was able to connect to the Divine.
I could hardly contain my own joy and excitement for life. I felt the need to write and through my writing I channeled my Higher Self. I began to remember things I had simply forgotten. Advice on how to live in complete harmony with nature, what foods would facilitate health in me, and what my mission was here on Earth: to help people wake up to their true power and evolve. It suddenly became extremely odd to me that I had rejected life before, that I had been afraid of my emotions. After all, they were only indicators of where life needed me to be. It became crystal clear that I had to remove all toxins from my body and that I had only been ingesting them before to escape the Now. I knew the path to Heaven was through the body and that health and nutrition were intimately intertwined with spirit.
It became extremely clear to me that I had to let go of all my fears, that I was completely and entirely loved and safe exactly where I was. I knew that taking time out to meditate and be still was necessary, as important as food or sleep. I knew I had to share this revelation with the world and explain to people that THIS was enlightenment, this feeling, this connection to our spirit. That enlightenment was our right, our natural state, not something to be sought after, attained, and then forgotten about. Our connection to spirit was just as important as our physical health. And it wasn't something only for spiritual gurus. This was for everyone! This was the key to happiness, the key to life itself.
Check out the video I made on my spiritual awakening: http://youtu.be/S6Ge7PrzJ90
Check out my blog: http://www.christinamartine.com
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